I took these last night and am in LOVE with them. The pictures and my men that is. Greg has been letting me feed Fionn all week(even though i've offered MANY times to let him) so last night was a big moment for the two of them. I finally convinced him it was okay, and just the look on his face told me how much it meant to him. Fionn is starting to respond to us more, and it helps that he is having longer awake periods. Today was a great day for him. They decided to to take him out of the Isolette today, and he finishes his antibiotics tomorrow at noon. He's done so well in the last two days, he's almost home! It's amazing and scary all at the same time!!
I won't lie, it's not any easier leaving him now at night when Greg and Maggie come to collect me, and if Greg would let me, i would probably stay round the clock at the hospital. Last night and tonight were just as bad as Tuesday when they gave me my discharge papers. Yeah it's easier to get in and out of the hospital, no one really pays attention to the woman wandering around with the sad look on her face, not like they did to the couple with all the balloons and flowers proudly announcing "it's a boy" with no baby in tow, but it's still heart-wrenching.
Just like Greg, I know we are lucky and have NO reason to complain. It's just a small set-back, but my heart doesn't hear my brain when it's time to leave his side. My heart melts when i walk out of his pod. The walk out of the NICU makes me feel like the worst mother in the world. I know that I'm not, I know that they know I love Fionn. I spend all day with him, just sitting in his pod, doing as much as they will let me, whereas other babies are often there alone most of the day. That's a whole different story for another day though. It's just SO hard for me to walk away from Magee with him still there! Please, if you could, tomorrow, will you pray for me. U jus don't know if i have the strength to leave him again. I know i only have one more night, but as of right now, i just don't know if i can do it. Poor Maggie, she held my hand tonight and told me not to cry as we left. I try so hard to be strong in front of her, but tonight i just couldn't. My feet are SO swollen, my incision hurts because i hate taking the pills, they make me drowsy and out of it, and i can't be that way with Fionn in the NICU, and i've barely slept in days. No matter how hard i try i can't sleep when we get home at night, and by the time one or two in the afternoon hits at the NICU i'm exhausted. No matter what i do, i end up sleeping at some point in the chair next to Fionn!
Speaking of sleeping, i'm starting to get tired. Before i fall asleep sitting here at the computer i'm going to try to wrap this up. A few hours in a comfy bed are better than none. The last thing i want to add tonight is that everyone please say one extra prayer for our little man tomorrow. He has a lot of big things happening tomorrow, and i'm afraid it might be too much for his little system and send him back a step.
We had a scary moment tonight when Greg was getting ready to feed him. He had been great all day, and then all of a sudden he went into DeSat. His saturation levels dropped, significantly, and we had to blow a little oxygen on him to bring him back up to normal. I watched my husband go pale, and i'm sure it was the daddy instinct, not the nurse one that caused it, but it really shook me. I guess he has a couple desat's a day and that's the reason he's not coming home tomorrow. So please, PLEASE pray for my little handsome man. Let him outgrow it and pray his lungs keep getting stronger and stronger. I've never been as scared as i have been this week. Thank you everyone for calling, emailing, and texting, and commenting. I've barely had my phone on, and i'm sorry i really haven't been up to talking, but i promise i appreciate EVERYTHING. I can't wait to introduce all of you to him. He's really just the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, or i should say he's tied with his big sister in that category, but i'm totally in love! He is the perfect addition of our happy family, and i am truly a blessed woman!
OH, and one more thing....I gave him a good bath today, and do you know what i found when i washed his hair? Start grinning now, he has reddish blond hair mixed in with all that dark stuff. Also his eyes have a bluish tint to them, so we'll see where that goes...
Okay i really need some sleep now otherwise greg will never let me get up early and go back to Fionn. It's already one and i want to be back by 7:30, and i still should pump before bed! more soon...
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The thoughts of The Pittsburgh Hites at 10:36 PM