Thursday, March 26, 2009

Heavy Heart

I did not intend to post tonight, I really want to be in my bed snuggling with Greg, but my heart is heavy and I feel the need to share how I am feeling. This week has just been so overwhelming, and it is starting to make my head spin. I had a NILMDTS call last night, and even though I can't tell you anything about the family, it hit too close to home.
The situation was NOT just like Fionn's, there were many more complications, BUT all the same doctors were there last night. The exact same dr. who did my C-section, was there in the room with them. They had Dr. Emory, who was our specialist at Maternal Fetal Medicine there with them, and thier baby was rushed off to the NIC-U just like ours. I waited with the family, watching their loved ones agonize over not really having any information, just like our family did last year...
I am so sorry to each and every one of you that were there with us, who we chose NOT to tell that there MAY be an issue. Greg and I really did think that it was best just to wait and see. We were so close to going in to the Operating Room that we didn't want anyone else to worry in case he was going to be just fine.
Sitting there last night, waiting for word from the NIC-U, waiting to go down, watching all the family agonize brought it all home for me. Going back in the NIC-U, into the intake was the first time being in THAT room since Fionn was in there. It shook me to my core today after I got home.
I love what I do, I love being able to give back to these families. I know that I can handle it, and would never let it overtake my desire to give back, but my heart hurts this week. So many babies, so many families in crisis this week. So many people hurting and just praying for the best. Oh to be naive and live in a world where every pregnant woman brings home a pink, happy bundle...
I'm giving it all to you Lord, praying that you bring these families through as only you can. To be with them all, to comfort them, as your will is brought about for their lives...
Only YOU know the outcome of these tiny little babies, our most precious gifts from you...Only YOU know the pain that these families are going through. Please direct me, to direct all of us on how to serve them better. To show them that we care, and want to lift them all to you. Lord, PLEASE bring peace over these familes, help them to feel your presense there with them as they go through this trial.

Please my friends, help us pray for these tiny babies, and for their families. There are so many families in pain, more than we will ever realize, over babies that they want and love so much. So many families looking for a miracle, not daring to ask for one, but just leaving it all in God's hands...only HE knows the fate of these families, the story he's already written for all of them.

I'm starting to fight back tears as I try to type this, so I think it's time to wrap it up. Tomorrow is a new day, and I can't wait to wake up and see what the day brings. To wake up and see what the Lord reveals to us. I will be on my knees for you sweet friends, hoping for the best possible results!! Until then...


5 wonderful people say::

Nicole said...

Sending hugs your way and praying for you today, Ginger. Of course I'm also praying hard for The Boltes. It's a good thing Morgan's pictures were last week; although they might have been a good ending to a long & miserable week. Hug your kids and remember that you are truly blessed.

Try to have a good weekend!

Anonymous said...

Greg and Ging,
I was one of the family that was there the night Fionn was born. It forever will be in my mind how I saw Greg after his birth. It was heart-wrenching and then to see you too Ging. It just wasn't suppost to be that way.
We all tried to help each other and stuck together. I think everyone in the world was praying for our lil' guy.
I loved him the minute we found out you were pregnant. And after the first miscarriage was scared to death that it could happen again.
But to think of all that and then realize how Fionn is today, let me tell you it was all worth it.
Mags kept us on our toes. She is the one that kept us going. She is my lil' Princess and forever will be. Even when shes atleast 50!
You kids had it rough. But enjoy the kids now. They are only there for a little while and then will grow up before you can blink. Ask me I know!
I love you and miss you all,

Suzie said...

Praying for you, I am sure it was not easy. I hope you are able to have a relaxing weekend with your family.

Sending hugs your way!

Just Me said...

I, too, know that even when you love what you do, and the opportunities to help others is SUCH a blessing, you end up with "Heavy Heart days". It wouldn't hurt so much if you didn't care, but then you wouldn't be "you".

I am so thankful that baby girl Bolte looks perfect! I am so excited for them :o) They know, though, as do you and I, that today some people are not getting such good news. As your prayer says, we need to ask God to give them peace and feel His love even during the saddest time in their lives.

Hugs and prayers continue to be sent your way. Our jobs are both challenging and rewarding, but the time we spend with these families, even if for a short time, are moments they will remember forever.

Take care,

boltefamily said...

Praying for your heart, what you do is such a gift Ginger. You are amazing! These families will have beautiful reminders of their precious babies because of you and that is amazing.

Praying Praying Praying!

By the way, thanks for praying! :)