Friday, May 22, 2009

Where to Begin?

This is NOT the post I had been planning a few days ago. I was busy recovering from a fun birthday weekend with Fionn, and was still not completely unpacked Wednesday when I got a phone call that has forever impacted our lives...
I'm not even sure where to begin with this story my friends, it's just all happened to fast and furious for me to process all the way through yet, so please bear with me...
My dad called me Wednesday morning(around 10am) to tell me that he had just gotten a call from Hamot(big hospital in Erie, Pa for those of you not local) that my step-mother had been life flighted there THE NIGHT BEFORE. Seriously, 12 hours before almost. This was the first I even heard that she was even in the hospital. So I told my dad I would start calling people and let them know while he raced to get there to see her. I called family to see what all was going on, to find out that my step-mom had fallen(she has her own apt.that is assisted living-LONG story) and they were guessing it was sometime overnight Monday and was found Tuesday morning by her care-giver. They rushed her to the hospital in Corry, but my father never called because she was doing fine. A few scrapes were the worst of it they thought. They were having a little trouble getting her BP to stabalize, but nothing they were really concerned about. My dad was there with her for most of the day Tuesday, then left late afternoon to go run errands and told her he would be back in the morning. We STILL don't have the details, but around 9:45pm Tuesday night, they had to put her on the heli-copter to Erie(a 45 minute drive at most) NO ONE in my family was contacted by the Corry Hospital, so she was there in Hamot in the M-ICU alone for TWELVE hours.
My step-brother rushed home from Alabama, and the kids and I came home. Since my babies are still too young to go in, my wonderful sister and brother in law watched the kids for me Wednesday night so I could be there with her. I still don't understand how we lost her so fast. She was just at Fionn's party on Saturday, and said she was doing well. I noticed that she had lost more weight, but she said it was just from the medicine she was taking.
I got there around 9pm Wednesday night, she was un-responsive, but I like to think that those hand squeezes I got when I was talking to her were NOT well timed "jerks" but that she actually knew I was there. She never opened her eyes, even though earlier in the day she had been trying to communicate with my dad and aunt. She held on until my step-brother got there, but then she let go. The machines were then doing all the work for her, so we had to make the decision that every family dreads and let her go. I got to hold her hand as she went to meet our Heavenly Father.
I had scripture that I had planned on putting in this post, words of wisdom that I wanted to write, but right now my brain cannot process all the information yet. They will have to wait. Greg is on his way home to be with us, and we are going to order flowers for tomorrow and then take the kids to the zoo to give Maggie a bit of normalcy before tomorrow. I started writing this post last night, but ended up falling asleep with the laptop open with Maggie clinging to me. It all came out at bedtime. All her questions and fears, and we both were sobbing. I felt less like a mommy and more like just another little girl who was crying along with her. I did what I could do to answer her questions as she asked them, and just assured her that gramma was with Jesus now.
So in the words of of one of our favorite songs...
"A picture is worth a thousand words, but you can't see what those shades of gray keep covered"
"You should have seen it in color"
The rest of the world will only see the black and white next to her obituary in the paper today, but you need to see the color. The happiness, the beauty of the day and her life. These pictures were from our wedding. They are the only pictures I have access to here at my aunts. Ironically this is the dress my father and uncle chose for her to wear tomorrow.
Please pray for my father tomorrow, I don't think he's processed it all yet. He is a man of few words, but he has the biggest HEART I have ever seen. We will say good-bye tomorrow at noon, if you could keep us in your prayers it would be greatly appreciated.

6 wonderful people say::

boltefamily said...

You know we will be praying and are here for you whatever you need. We love you guys!

Laurie in Ca. said...


I am so sorry for this huge loss. I have been praying since Amanda emailed me and will continue to pray for all of you. Asking God to be with you and gently hold you as you get through this heartbreaking time. And prayers for your father too. It is too much to take in right now and I am praying for Gods peace to hold him up. I am so sorry for you.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Just Me said...

Ginger, there were many "words of wisdom" written in that post (seriously, I'm not sure I could put two words together...) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. (And, in one week, I'm going to give you a giant hug whether you want it or not ;o) )

Take care, my friend.

Kelly said...

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless,

Lisa said...

I am so sorry Ginger, that your family is going through this loss, and that so much of what happened does not make sense.

Praying for answers, and for peace.


Hilary said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! I will be praying for your family and espically sweet Maggie it's so hard to loose your Grandma..I'm so sorry Ginger!