I've been thinking of this post for awhile. I mean it's obvious by just how many blog posts I've put up this summer that this post has been a while in a making. I've started writing THIS post many times, just never happy with the wording, so I always scrap it and think on it some more.
I don't want to give anyone the wrong impression with this blog post, I just want to be real.
When I had ONE child, I felt like
Maggie was such a good baby. So quick to learn, polite, adorable and just an all around amazing kid. Don't get me wrong, she still is an AMAZING kid, but good grief, hormones at 7? ACK. She is SO strong willed that we already have to have the "I AM THE MOM, THAT'S WHY" arguments. Don't judge me, I'm being honest here.
I felt like I had this mom thing down, even though I was pretty sure a long time ago I wasn't going to have ANY kids. Then I had her, and said "okay, you're it. My one shot at this mom thing"
I KNEW I could handle one. But then...
HE came along.
And I thought. Whew, thank goodness I got a boy. I can REALLY be done now. And still, I felt like a pretty good mom. I had time for both of them, they adored each other, life was good. We still had one on one coverage most days with Maggie being in school, and we had plenty of alone Mommy and Fionn time, while still making sure Maggie got the time she needed.
This boy though, was a bit more stubborn. Not as quick to smile, making me earning them and then when I get them they are like little slices of heaven. He still won't smile if there is lighting involved with portraits, and generally cries the entire time. He won't eat, refuses to poop on the toilet (sorry tmi) and won't get out of my bed. He DELIGHTS in thinking he's eating MY food, drinking my "mommy water" (from a jug i keep in the fridge bc I LOVE my water C.O.L.D.)
But STILL, I thought I was a good mom. And then I had this weird dream one day. It involved a girl baby and the name Catherine. And then I had a yearning.
And I got what I longed for.
What Maggie wanted. A little sister. This beautiful little thing. So precious. So beautiful.
I mean just look at her. How can one little girl completely change the dynamic of our entire family. Because OH.MY.GOSH. she RULES our house(with an iron fist no less). Not me.
I've never felt like I couldn't handle being a mom, never just tried to make it through the day. Until this summer. This summer I feel like the three of them are trying to kill me. I just pray then never all gang up and it's me against them. Right now I feel like it's all one on one battles, but I have never felt more like a failure. Don't get me wrong, I know it will all pan out and things will be fine, but WOW.
Having three kids is just bananas. I feel like poor Maggie is getting the shaft. She now has more chores than I want to talk about, and is expected to pull her own weight around here. She's capable of showering on her own, making her own lunch(some days), taking the dogs out, helping water the plants and feeding the animals, so that's what's expected of her. I know that responsibility is good for kiddos, but I still feel guilty that I can't just do it all alone.
I know I'm not the only mom that feels like this, and in the world of perfect family lives on our perfect family blogs, who wants to hear that another mom ISN'T perfect.
Did you hear that WORLD??
our family is not perfect. We yell, we cry. I give time outs AND believe that kids need to be spanked. Yep, I said SPANKED. I was spanked, whooped even and guess what? I LIVED.
My children rule my house, and right now there are toys strewn across my living room, my side porch is covered in my latest craft and more toys. BECAUSE, OH MY GOSH, the toys. I mean really, how many toys can three kids need? Apparently every toy in Toys R Us.
I long for the days when they're all potty trained and I never have to touch a poopy butt again. I long for the days they're all in school and I can actually breath for ten minutes in silence and not wonder why it's so quiet. Did I mention the pee yet? I hate pee. Between poddy training Fionn and the new puppy I must clean carpets EVERY day. EVERY day someone has an accident. Including Maggie. And she's taught the boy the best phrase ever.
"it was just a little accident mommy" he says quietly to me.
Even when there is NO WAY it was an accident. But still, he says it's so sweet, that there is no way I can punish him.
I mean seriously...how can I stay mad at that?
So to summarize.
They are crazy, I am crazy. Our house is full of all kinds of crazy. Crazy crying, crazy laughing, and just all around crazy.
We are far from perfect, and there are days when I seriously feel like the crazy is taking over and I am LOSING MY MIND
but then they hug and kiss me goodnight and look like little angels (as they kick me in the face in the middle of the night) and I forget what a horrible, no good, very bad day it was.
And then we start all over.
Would I change being out-numbered?
Not for one second.
(and I will come back to re-read this post when I feel the crazy taking over)